Great story/lesson. Wish more athletes would be more humble
and less narcissistic. Get tired of the chest beating and fist pumping. ...Tom W.
WHO’S ON YOUR TEAM?
AVOIDING THE DISEASE OF
NARCISSISM IN SPORTS
© Gary Lee Fisher
CONTENTS
• UNDERSTANDING THE DISEASE
• THE STORY AND THE CURE
• IT DOESN’T MATTER SELF-PROMOTION/NARCISSISM
THIS DISEASE IN TEAM SPORTS IS EVERYWHERE!
More and more boys, girls, men, and women of all ages catch it every day! Little League, grade school, junior high, high school, college, community sports, amateur, professionals; it’s a growing plague.
• Every day you can watch someone promote themselves on TV. Then those games can be watched repeatedly as videos. Self-promotion is contagious and continues to spread.
• Professional players seem to be the worst. It’s hard to watch someone who is paid millions of dollars spread this illness.
• Even young players on community teams seem to think self-promotion is just part of what a player is supposed to do.
• A college football player scores a touchdown and motions for the crowd to cheer more for him.
• A soccer player scores and then races to the sidelines looking for approval.
• A high school player scores a touchdown and comes to the sideline, takes off his helmet and looks up into the stands so everyone can see who everyone should be proud of.
• A player acts as if he is the best because he scored, but the team goes on to lose the game and a losing season.
Self-promotion is a natural tendency as we like others to perceive us as having wonderful qualities, such as intelligence and talent. There are times where a little self-promotion is sometimes necessary and acceptable. Although self-promotion can be found in all ways of life, our approach is to deal with it in team sports.
To set the stage, here are some definitions to consider:
TEAM: Several persons associated together in work or activity seeking a common goal.
TEAM PLAYER: Someone who puts aside his personal goals and works well with others, doing what he needs to do to strive for a common goal..
SELF-PROMOTION: The action of promoting or publicizing oneself or one's activities, especially in a forceful way. Self-
Promotion is seen in one-upmanship, braggadocio, hubris, grandstanding, dog-
and-pony show, name-dropping, ostentation, showboating, theatrics, exhibitionism, boasting, pretending, window dressing, swagger, parading.
TEAM DISEASE: A quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people.
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER: A grandiose sense of importance, preoccupation with unlimited success, belief that one is special and unique, exploitative of others, arrogance, jealousy of others and lack of empathy for others.
THE STORY
Tony is a college soccer player who was deeply addicted to self-promotion. Rocky is a retired gentleman living near the campus where Tony was a student. Rocky has been coming to the college’s home games for many years. Many students and faculty knew him by his nickname, “Rocky,” and found him to be a lot of fun. In his younger days, Rocky had played soccer. Rocky saw great potential in Tony but was very disappointed by his flaw of self-promotion.
Rocky was convinced that Tony had no idea who was really on his team.
His desire to help Tony continued to grow. Then, Tony once again scored a goal and, with his hands in the air, turned towards the fans looking for approval and praise. For Rocky, that was enough; he was ready to try to help this young man. Tony may not listen, but at least old man Rocky could try. At most recent game, Tony had scored a goal, and the team went on to win. Rocky approached Tony as he was leaving the field. He thanked Tony for his effort, and suggested they get together for a chat sometime. Tony said that he had no classes on Tuesday afternoon, so they both agreed to meet at a little café next to the campus before soccer practice.
Although he had never met Rocky, he had heard about this old guy who was a great soccer fan. When Tony shared with his roommate about the upcoming meeting, he learned that Rocky had played soccer.
At the get together, Rocky was anxious to learn more about this young soccer player, and Tony was more than happy to share his story. Their meeting lasted about an hour. Tony talked about all the colleges that had recruited him and how many goals he had scored in high school. He also told Rocky that he had made the high school conference All-Star Team for three years.
They agreed to meet again. Rocky asked lots of questions. Tony continued to try to impress Rocky by sharing how much he has worked and sacrificed to be a good player. They continued to meet every week during the season. After several get togethers, Tony had yet asked Rocky anything. Tony seemed to like the meetings because he got to promote himself.
Then Rocky shared: “I’m very pleased to watch you play. You have a lot of talent and skills and are a great asset to the team. But there is one thing that gives me great concern and disappointment. When you score, you always seem to look for approval. You raise your hands and arms and look into the stands, seemingly wanting people to applaud you!”
Tony: “You think that is wrong?”
“Yes, Tony, it is very wrong because you have forgotten who’s on your team. You are seeking honors at the expense of others.” Tony quickly replied. “I don’t think so, and I do know who is on my team. I have worked very hard to develop my skills and physical strength. I have been practicing and playing soccer for many years.”
Rocky responded, “I can see that, and it’s true. Everyone who seeks to play a sport is expected to become the best they can be through hard work and training. Let’s look at the last game you played. You scored the only goal in the game, and the team won. You may have been the last player to touch the ball, but you didn’t score alone!
Even if you got around an opponent to score, someone got the ball to you. Do you know who passed the ball to you in the last game? Even though you scored, if the team didn’t have some outstanding defensive players,
the team would not win.”
“Even though you scored what turned out to be the winning goal, you were not the only reason the team won, and you could never have won it by yourself. Soccer, as a team sport, takes 11 players to start a game. No one can score or defend without the help of ten teammates. Any team needs players who don’t start the game but play many substitute minutes to help the team succeed. The team is also supported by players who do not get to play in every game.”
Rocky continued, “every player is important to the success of the team because of their dedication, hard work and sacrifice by attending each practice session and training hard, regardless of their playing time. Some played only one year, some were injured, and some graduated, but all (Yes, all) were important members! Tony, do you really know them?”
Rocky continued with a list of questions. “What is the name of your goalkeeper? Where is he from? What major is he pursuing? What does he want to do after graduating? What does his dad do? Does he have brothers or sisters? How could you be of help to him? Are you thankful that he works so hard for the team to be
successful?”
These are just tip-of-the-iceberg questions that Rocky thought that Tony should be able to answer for every one of his teammates. “And Tony, if you cannot, you really do not know who is on your team.”
Tony seemed frustrated, but Rocky’s questions continued.
“I noticed that one of your ankles was taped. Do you know how much work and study it takes to be an athletic trainer? Aren’t you thankful to have someone like that help you? Who is the team’s trainer?”
“Do you wash your uniform after each game?” Tony said “no.” “So, Tony, who does that for you?”
“Do you do any work to get the soccer field ready for a game? Do you cut the grass? Do you clean the locker room? If not, who does? Every school has a maintenance crew, who work hard and are all part of the team’s success.”
Rocky continued. “Please consider the athletic department administration and staff, and the sports information director. Someone scheduled the games, confirmed referees for each home game, and made available transportation and meals for away games. Someone published the schedule and reported the outcomes. Do you know who did that? Have you ever thanked them?”
“Tony did you play soccer before you could drive a car?” He said “yes, several years.” “Who drove you to games and brought you
to and from practice?”
”You were recruited by colleges because your high school team had great seasons. Every practice, every game, every day, you should be thankful for your high school teammates and coaches. Without them, you would not be here. You know Tony that the current soccer team is not the first to play at this college. Soccer has been played here for many years. It’s not hard to understand and thank all the work and dedication each soccer alum has put forth in representing the college.”
AND MORE…
“When you understand, you will realize that no player arrived at college by himself. Winning congratulations should include moms and dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends! Soccer success must also include thanks to a player’s many dedicated high school teachers. Without good grades, you
would not be here.”
“The college would not be successful without the leadership of the faculty and administration. And it would not be here today without those who established this school and worked hard over the years to make it successful. So, be thankful that you get to spend about 5% of your life here.” “Tony, the list of people for whom to be thankful is very large! It’s about them, not about you! You have been given a wonderful opportunity!”
“Have you ever lost a game? Why? If you take credit for winning, do you take responsibility for losing? Why do you want to steal all the glory? Your coach recruited you! He believes in you, but you’re letting him down and you are embarrassing him.”
With all his questions and many meetings, Rocky was beginning to see that Tony was starting to understand. Then, at one of their get-togethers, Tony asked, “how can I change?”
That’s what Rocky was waiting for and hoping to hear! And he then presented his vision of the cure.
He explained that there is one more person that Tony needs to thank and then follow to cure himself of self-promotion. You need to thank God our Lord and Savior who created you, who loves you, and created all those people who have helped you get to this point in your life.
There is a book that will help you and was written thousands of years ago about Him and is the most read book in the world: The Bible! To help him get started, Rocky gave him a Bible and separate pages where he had copied the following…
PROVERBS 27:1-2
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.
Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
an outsider, and not your own lips.
JOHN 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
LUKE 14:11
For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled,
and those who humble themselves will be exalted.
JAMES 4:6
But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.
MATTHEW 18:1-4
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked,
“Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
He called a little child and had him stand among them.
And He said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and
become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom
of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you
has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
PHILIPPIANS 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
COLOSSIANS 3:12
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe
yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
PROVERBS 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is
God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
This is the day which the LORD has made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.
It wasn’t very long before Tony asked Rocky, “I have been so wrong; how will God ever help me?”
Rocky told him that God sent His only Son to the earth to help everyone who would believe. Jesus then died on the cross and took away all believers’ sins. What you need to do Tony is
• Admit your mistakes to repent by reflecting on your wrongdoings
• Believe that the Lord’s is your Savior by remembering
He died on the cross to save you.
• Confess your sins through prayer to welcome Jesus Christ into your life.
It was there, in that little café near the campus that Tony accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior!
Rocky encouraged him to wake up each morning and say, “GOOD MORNING, JESUS” and start his new life with the Lord by making that day a thankful day!
Tony, with his new direction in his life, began to thank the many people who had helped him. One of his first thankful attempts after accepting Jesus was with his soccer teammates. No longer, after he scored a goal, would he seek fans’ attention, but he would always thank his team by running to them! He also began to invite his college friends to come and meet Rocky at the café.
He even started to write letters of thanks to his high school coaches and teammates.
He was very thankful to his Mom and Dad and family. He even explained how wrong he was acting to his younger brother. Tony continued to learn more and more about Jesus and began to share it with others.
He attended an on-campus Christian Bible study group.
He remembered that Rocky had told him that, if he would really like to be humble, he should hang out with humble students.
It Doesn’t Matter
I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to grow up, work, learn and enjoy life. How delightful it is to remember my family, neighbors and friends who were of help and guidance. How grateful I am to my parents and grandparents who worked so hard to make our family successful and show me the fruits of hard work.
As I think back to all that has happened, combined with what I now realize, there is a very important lesson that I feel compelled to pass along.
Do you remember the house you grew up in as a child? Who was your favorite teacher? What was your first major disappointment? Has your favorite music changed over the years? Who is your closest friend? Did you ever get in trouble with the law? What is your favorite holiday?
Think back over all the events of your story from your birth until this very day.
Now consider that no matter how great or hard your story is, or how different it is from anyone else’s you know, there was always one thing that was consistent for us all.
Yes, for you, me, and everyone else,
It really doesn’t matter… whether you are young or old, male, or female, married or single, black, or white or another race, rich or poor or middle class, healthy or not well.
It doesn’t matter if you live in the United States or another country, in a large city, a suburb, or a small rural town.
It doesn’t matter if you have many siblings, are an only child or an orphan; if you have many friends or none.
It doesn’t matter if you graduated from school or not; wear business clothing or a t-shirt at work; attend a church or not.
It doesn’t matter if you are short or tall; are a marathon runner or in a wheelchair.
But some will say, “We are too different. There are so many different lives to live, how could anyone thing be the same in everyone’s life?”
As you reflect on your story, one fact will always remain: with every step, event, success or failure, happiness or sadness, and every breath you have taken in your life, there is one common thread…
Jesus Christ,
He was there all the time!
He created you and knew you before you were born. He knew your parents and your grandparents. He knows about everything happening in the world.
Not only was He there during every second of your past, but He is still there today, and He will be there every day of your life. And, He is always waiting to help, comfort, save and bless you.
… Just ask Him.
When we were happy and laughed or when we were sad and cried, He Was There! With every birth and every death, He Was There! When we were sick and when we were healthy, He Was There! Jesus Christ, Our Lord, and Savior, Was There All The Time.
IN JOHN 12:49 JESUS SAID
For I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded me to say all that I have spoken.
Therefore, we should not speak of ourselves, but of Jesus, who came to save us and gave us what to say and what to speak.